DEAR READERS,

I HAVE AWAKENED FROM MY MEDICALLY INDUCED COMA, TO FIND THE WORLD TO BE VOID OF ALL LIFE AND CRAWLING WITH ZOMBIES!   j/k

HWWWU: In the midst of uncertain times, economic hardship, sociopolitical upheaval, and an all-around feeling that there might just be something to the 2012 Apocalypse, what is the one thing that can add more Everclear to this molotov cocktail?!?

That’s right… Religious bigotry!

Enter our boys, Jimmy Inhofe and City Councilor PRick Westcott.  They are the two jokers stirring up the shit-pot with all the parade name semantics.  Nevermind that it was called the PSO Parade of Lights for 20+ years. 

So, I thought I’d try to diffuse the situation a little by coming up with some alternative middle-ground names for the parade that goes thru downtown Tulsa on Dec. 11th.  Here goes nothin’.

– The mid-December Downtown Death March

– The Trail of Cheers

– The McNellie’s Annual Winter Pub Crawl and Bad Santa Gift Exchange

– The Brothers of the Brush Beard Stampede

– Hooray for Everything!

– The Santa Empties His Sack In Front of Your Kids-Athon

– Louie the Lightning Bug’s Egg Nog Revue

– Dilly Deli Itty Bitty Pity Committee Walk-Athon

– Mid-Town Adult Theater presents: Boners on Ice

Please feel free to come up with some other names and add I’ll add them to the list!

HWWWU: Even Lady Gaga feels the need to exercise her 2nd Amendment rights… 

Armored, and Dangerous

The BOK center might just have to be demolished after her show to remove all traces of stank.  At the very least,  5000 gallons of Raid should be applied.

HWWWU: Fortune Cookie Tuesday!

I received two random-ass fortunes today at the Great Wall:

The first one read: “The man on top of the mountain did not fall there.” Wow, is that supposed to be some sort of motivational tool? If so, then I think I prefer those lame-ass motivational posters over something like this.
The second one read: “You will find luck when you go home.” OK, so I think I am a firm believer in that luck (good or bad) finds you, not the other way around.

To that end, here’s today’s HWWWU fortune:

It's a Twilight reference (in case you were wondering)

HWWWU: OMG NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  Put it out, put it out, put it out.

AdTwin as "Das Hindenburg", courtesy Josh Barteaux.

Wait, what?  You haven’t been to the Admiral Twin since third grade?  Oh, I thought that all Tulsans made an annual pilgrimage to the rotten termite heap every at least once per summer.  Hmmm.

I will add this to the list of other Tulsa “icons” that have been eradicated re-developed.  You know, the list of places that people only pretended to care about because of a false yearning for community pride.  See also, Bells Amusement Park, the old Drillers Stadium, and Metro Diner.

HWWWU: FORTUNE COOKIE TUESDAY!

So my fortune at Great Wall today was lame, as was that of my colleague.  But the big grumpy redneck dude in the corner got a good one!  His said, “Say hello to people and good things will happen.”  His immediate reply, “Pssh, I don’t think so.”  I thought people were polite down here in the dirty South?

Mad props to Dusty D. for the f.c. template…