Vol. 1, Issue 25 (Don’t Stop, Believin’)

DEAR READERS,

I HAVE AWAKENED FROM MY MEDICALLY INDUCED COMA, TO FIND THE WORLD TO BE VOID OF ALL LIFE AND CRAWLING WITH ZOMBIES!   j/k

HWWWU: In the midst of uncertain times, economic hardship, sociopolitical upheaval, and an all-around feeling that there might just be something to the 2012 Apocalypse, what is the one thing that can add more Everclear to this molotov cocktail?!?

That’s right… Religious bigotry!

Enter our boys, Jimmy Inhofe and City Councilor PRick Westcott.  They are the two jokers stirring up the shit-pot with all the parade name semantics.  Nevermind that it was called the PSO Parade of Lights for 20+ years. 

So, I thought I’d try to diffuse the situation a little by coming up with some alternative middle-ground names for the parade that goes thru downtown Tulsa on Dec. 11th.  Here goes nothin’.

– The mid-December Downtown Death March

– The Trail of Cheers

– The McNellie’s Annual Winter Pub Crawl and Bad Santa Gift Exchange

– The Brothers of the Brush Beard Stampede

– Hooray for Everything!

– The Santa Empties His Sack In Front of Your Kids-Athon

– Louie the Lightning Bug’s Egg Nog Revue

– Dilly Deli Itty Bitty Pity Committee Walk-Athon

– Mid-Town Adult Theater presents: Boners on Ice

Please feel free to come up with some other names and add I’ll add them to the list!

Vol. 1, Issue 24 (Muldrow Mulligans)

HWWWU: I would prefer Cigar Guy ‘Cane over Captain ‘Cane.

Rumor has it, he's been lurking around football practice this week.

Can’t get enough Cigar Guy?  Check the classic album cover photobombs here and here.

Vol. 1, Issue 23 (Elbow Patch Friend)

HWWWU: Even Lady Gaga feels the need to exercise her 2nd Amendment rights… 

Armored, and Dangerous

 

The BOK center might just have to be demolished after her show to remove all traces of stank.  At the very least,  5000 gallons of Raid should be applied.

Vol. 1, Issue 22 (Waiting Since Lunch)

OK, so my mental vacation from blogging is over!  There’s just too much wrong with us to NOT put it in print. 

That said, it’s HWWWU FORTUNE COOKIE TUESDAY (Double Edition)! 

It has been determined that all fortunes embedded in the cookies from Yokozuna are fakes!  Yes, that’s right folks.  They’re not printed in some sweatshop in Guangzhou, or Nanjing, or Chicago by real Asian fortune tellers.  They are made up by the crazies over at Dwelling Spaces and Joebot’s, as evidenced by their rampant pro caffeine addicted cyborg themes. 

Fighting over parking spaces? In this economy???

 

The other pink meat.

Vol.1, Issue 21 (Pray for Mo-jo)

HWWWU: Fortune Cookie Tuesday!

I received two random-ass fortunes today at the Great Wall:

The first one read: “The man on top of the mountain did not fall there.” Wow, is that supposed to be some sort of motivational tool? If so, then I think I prefer those lame-ass motivational posters over something like this.
The second one read: “You will find luck when you go home.” OK, so I think I am a firm believer in that luck (good or bad) finds you, not the other way around.

To that end, here’s today’s HWWWU fortune:

It's a Twilight reference (in case you were wondering)

Vol. 1, Issue 20 (Nu-cle-ar Wessels)

HWWWU:  Fortune Cookie Tuesday!

Todd Graham and the TU coaching staff had their pre-game meal delivered by Speedy Wok of East Greenville, NC, prior to their tussle with conference foe East Carolina.  This was found crumpled in a half empty carton of twice-cooked pork by hotel cleaning staff.

"The cookie told me to do it!"

Seriously, that “strategy”, and calling timeout with 5 seconds left are what will help keep TU football in the lower echelon of college football.  Oh, and trying to model your defense after OU doesn’t help either.

Vol. 1, Issue 19 (Get to thee Choppa!)

HWWWU: OMG NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  Put it out, put it out, put it out.

AdTwin as "Das Hindenburg", courtesy Josh Barteaux.

Wait, what?  You haven’t been to the Admiral Twin since third grade?  Oh, I thought that all Tulsans made an annual pilgrimage to the rotten termite heap every at least once per summer.  Hmmm.

I will add this to the list of other Tulsa “icons” that have been eradicated re-developed.  You know, the list of places that people only pretended to care about because of a false yearning for community pride.  See also, Bells Amusement Park, the old Drillers Stadium, and Metro Diner.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.